As we build up our dreams and start to flesh them out we vocalize them over and over. Eventually someone grabs a hold of it and claims that it too is their dream. So like most people you two start to build a foundation for what will become a committed relationship and ultimately a new marriage. Hopefully as you go forward you two do not lose sight of what brought you together in the first place. Having a common dream and vision is important to long term success.
Interestingly enough people evolve or change quicker than many long term goals can be accomplished so what happens is as the two in the relationship change their individual goals chance as well. The overall goal isn’t being communicated or checked regularly to ensure that this new “couple” is on target for reaching their cooperative goals and dreams. Over time the personal dreams gets stronger and stronger, as the overall dream gets weaker and weaker. No one checks to see if the milestones of the overall dream are being accomplished in a timely manner or that new obstacles have been brought out of the way to allow for success. More important is that not only has the communication of the overall dreams, steps to be taken and new obstacles that need to be overcome has stopped but there has never been any communication on the new personal dreams being built inside of the individuals in the couple.
Typically one will stay true to the dream but the other will be now secretly building their own dream with is never communicated so it is separate from the collective dream and therefore separate from the committed union. This rogue dream is not building steam where the collective dream has all but died. “It is for the lack of a dream that my people perish.” Now replacing the collective dream the secret dream now gains steam and momentum and overtakes the individual that has entertained its fancy.Simply put this individual is now at odds with the collective dream either actively or passively but is now seeking to find ways to implement their own new dream. This divisiveness undermines the foundation or what the original union was based on. Now not having a foundation to stand on the union is in jeopardy.
Typically this will not come out in steps. It will boil and fester inside of the individual until it becomes overwhelming to the one that has lost the collective dream and either in the middle of a fight or disagreement or just as a stand along conversation confronts the other. This confrontation is typically a blame session where they are at fault for the new dream not getting accomplished. Sadly the one being accused of holding the one back was not even aware that there was a new dream at all!Typically this is the first time this new desire has been brought up and being shocked and hurt the individual doesn’t know how to respond. In fact they typically respond poorly and things go downhill from there. This quick degradation of the relationship typically ends with the destruction of the union. Ultimately the one that has come up with a new dream feels like they are alone and cannot ask the other to change.
Why? What would be the harm of open communication along the way? What could happen if when the seed was planted that it wasn’t communicated early on in its development? Is it because we do not communicate enough with the ones we love? Or is it more insidious that we are not listening? Is someone at fault or is it a draw?
Who originated the original collective dream? Was it one’s dream that was forced onto the other? Or was it truly a collective dream that both parties were bought into it and committed to see come to fruition? When a dream is “owned” by one there is a high likely hood that the union will fail. When the dream is truly co-operative there is still not guarantee that the union will hold together without constant communication and evaluation of what steps lie ahead and who has ownership of the individual components. The problem with dreams is that most times there is a level of sacrifice that has to be made to execute the tasks tactically to allow for success of each successive level. Even the most well laid out plans will fail when the “owners” or those “tasked” are not 100% sold on the collective dream. Dreams are like living creatures their health is reflected by the collective mental health of those that are carrying out its tasks.
When the health of the dream suffers it is due to the lack of nurturing of those that are the carriers of the dream. Dream survival and success relies heavily on the participants keeping strong lines of communication open between all of the individuals. When some or all of the participants are silent about their fears and concerns the group or team becomes weakened. So after the collective dream fades and the new secret dream takes over the heart and soul of the one harboring the new dream everything changes. Now things that were exciting and fun now become dreary and points of contention. Now what brought the group together will now ultimately destroy them.
I do not know the answers to the many questions that come from this phenomenon, but I have lived through its destruction. So as a leader of the dream one must champion every chance you get and maintain the excitement that is deposited in all of the participant’s hearts and soul this is the sign of a true leader!
Best of luck to your dream and those that you get to believe in it!
